Beginning Again in Love - Meb

 We are beginning again. A new year. A new president. For  some, new babies, newly wedded couples, new homes. As a way to symbolically bring in the New Year, I decided to go to an event where I expected there would be some type of ritual to support letting go and moving on. In my straight-backed chair, I waited to be led in some kind of "good riddance" activity that would leave me at least a little more hopeful about 2017. Then, an energetic man stood on the stage and got everyone up and out of their seats to "shake off the old" by using a traditional Qui Gong exercise. We started with shaking out our hands, then shaking our arms, then shoulders, and finally, we shook out our whole bodies. At this point, I could feel the energy in the room shift palpably. Within me, a kind of buzzing sense of connection of my Self to myself that I wasn't aware I had been missing started to happen and I began to feel a connection to all the other 'movers and shakers' in the room as well. When we finally stopped, we stood quietly, together, renewed.

          The end of the year is predictably hard for me as it brings up other endings: the end of my marriage, the children moving out of the house, the absence of loved ones who no longer sit around our holiday table. Imperfectly, and unfortunately, also, somewhat predictably, I respond to the season with less than my best self and I did this again this year. So, as I shook off last year in the room with all those people I had yet to meet, I also shook off regret. I shook off cynicism. I shook off disappointment. I shook off isolation.

          I felt very silly shaking myself all around like a child doing the Hokey Pokey - at least at first- but that was part of the ritual's beauty. By choosing to participate, I was being vulnerable, I was doing something outside my comfort level in the company of strangers. I guess that being vulnerable meant that my protective armor got "chinked." Miraculously, nothing short of Love, with a sprinkling of Hope, seeped in through the cracks. In Love, I forgave myself for messing up. For a short moment I was able to forgive others. This perfect peace was fleeting - clearly, I have much more work to do on myself and on Forgiveness. But I say it's a "Happy New Year." At least it's a very good start.